Domestic Violence: Five Reasons Why She Doesn't Leave
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Written by: BigBroadcast
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Word Count: 758 |
Date: Wed, 23 Sep 2009 |
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When you are on the outside looking in as many of us are the solution seems perfectly clear. As a matter of fact you may have stated this to the person on numerous occasions. No doubt there hemming and hawing or their blatant refusal to take the advice from people who obviously mean well probably have caused you moments of incredible frustration or just outright anger.
She has been physically abused for longer than you want to remember. You know that the police have been called on more than one occasion; regrettably never by her. You also know that she has never pressed charges. In fact she is her significant other's greatest defender and for that reason she has told you more than once in no uncertain terms to mind your own business.
You can't do that. It is not just about you caring for her as a relative or friend; it's goes beyond that. You cannot stand the thought of this abuse being inflicted on any person.
The Journal of the American Medical Association estimates that every year close to four million people in the United are physically assaulted by their domestic partners. As the numbers and history confirm the overwhelming majority of the victims are women.
So why do many of them stay in that situation?
1. The Children
There are all kinds of things that go with this. The victim may be thinking about their future; emotionally and economically. So they tell themselves the best thing to do is stay together and give the appearance of normalcy for the kids' sake even though they are the main eyewitnesses to what is going on.
2. Manipulation
The abuser knows the exact buttons to push on his victim. A sincere apology complete with waterworks, sweet words of love accompanied by a gentle touch and countless other tricks. Children are also used as an emotional weapon to keep the victim from leaving.
And it works. Why? As clinical psychologist Mark Crawford tells Elizabeth Landrau of CNN health, "There are some women who need to be needed so badly they'll put up with anything. Even if the guy beats the crap out of them, they just feel that responsible for the other person."
3. Social Embarrassment
For others you can forget the physical abuse or the constant fearing for their lives. That's small potatoes compared to what people on the outside would think. As far as some victims are concerned if they leave the relationship then others may find out what's going on. Being physically assaulted is one thing; public humiliation in their opinion is a whole lot worse.
4. The Scary Future
Maybe they have been married so long that it is hard for them to comprehend going out on their own. It also may be that the abuser has created the illusion of total dependency; telling the victim over and over again that there is no way they would ever be successful by themselves. That's another form of manipulation easy to accomplish since abuse and low self esteem go hand in hand.
5. The Violent Future
As bad as things are this for many women ranks as the number one reason to stay. According to The Julian Center in the United States alone, women who leave a violent relationship are at a seventy five percent greater risk.
The abuser who has been enjoying unlimited power has lost control and will do anything to get it back.
In fact many victims have been told by their abusers that if they leave the relationship...
To live another day lots of victims will take the abuse even though if they stay they may not survive the abuse.
Someone lays their hands on you, the relationship is officially over. To those of us on the outside looking in, it is that simple. Indeed if human interaction was free of any complications it would be that simple. It is not and asking victims of domestic violence why don't they leave can be the equivalent of asking someone who has fallen into quicksand why don't they just pull themselves out?
About the Author
Article written by Daryl Campbell at The Relationship Tip. Get the nine step formula for surviving an abusive relationship .
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